Alica’s story:
A tale of a foster parent
I get asked all the time, what made you want to become a foster parent? I wish I could tell you this profound story of a huge event in my life that thrust me into this life I live now, but honestly, it's not like that at all. In fact, it wasn’t even my idea. It was my husband’s.
We were at church in January of 2019 and our pastor was preaching about ways to serve in the community, one being to support our local foster parents. During the sermon my husband looked at me and said, “we should be foster parents.” My brain immediately started spinning. I run my own growing business, I am “technically” also a stay at home mom to our two children (who were 3 and 6 years old at that time), and we had no family around. I looked at him point blank and said, “no”. No way was that even something I was interested in: Bringing in the kids of complete strangers and having to care for them day in and day out. I was too busy and I just didn’t want to.
But I also distinctly remember, immediately after I said no to him, looking forward
and feeling this overwhelming voice say, “there is a child out there that needs you”.
Still, I refused to acknowledge the voice and stuck to my guns. Well, for about 10 months to be exact.
The problem was that I kept thinking about that day in January. I couldn’t shake it. So I made the call: We're gonna do it. In November of 2019, we began our long tedious process of becoming foster parents. Long classes, difficult home study, keeping the house spotless, telling everyone every single detail of our lives, background checks, parenting styles.... everything. It was not what I would call fun, but we were committed, so it was worth it to us. At the end of January of 2020, we were officially licensed for one child with the request of ages of 0-2 years. Since our youngest was just 4 years old at that point, I thought it would be best to only allow children under her age. Well, until I got the first call.
I feel like when you're a fresh foster parent, straight out of licensing, intake sees you as “fresh meat”. They will call you for any child at any age and the mantra they try to enforce on you in those classes is “always say yes…” Ya, don’t always say yes. You will get burned out. Quick. But keep on reading...
February 15, 2020 we got the call. We said yes. But not to one child in our 0-2 years age range, but to two children; one older than our daughter and one an infant. I said, yes. I was going to make a difference. I felt like Superman. But then I got the call from the CPI (private investigator). Mom is pregnant and due very soon with baby number 3, can you take them… OF COURSE (always say yes! Right?!?) Baby number 3 was born the same week as Covid-19 shut down the world. So on March 14, 2020 I had 5 children in my care and one was not even a week old. And the world shut down. Say that again… What did I just do? Why did I insist on listening to that voice? Why didn’t I stick to my guns? Who am I? Why am I doing this?
Thanks to Covid and fostering throughout it, I have had to learn so much through these past two years, but mostly about myself.
It is always okay to say no. I am a natural people pleaser. So much so, it affected my health. I got very sick last year because I wasn’t caring for myself at all. I didn’t have a choice. I had to learn to say no to things. Not just for myself, but for these children. They deserve the best of me, not the worst.
I can’t be Superman. As much as I’d like to believe I can save these kids from their lives, I just can’t. I can be their caretaker, their ear, and their support. But I cannot save every child. It’s just not feasible and it’s not a good reason to be fostering.
Don’t be afraid to use your voice. Again, I am not one to ruffle feathers or cause issues with others, but these past two years have taught me that my voice is just as important as anyone else’s. If I don’t speak up for these children, then who will?
Lastly, therapy is essential. No joke. Not just for these children, but for yourself as well. Having someone else to talk to about the nonsense that goes on is crucial for, not only my own mental health, but for my ability to parent.
Fast forward to today. We have had 13 children in and out of our care since February 2020. It has been a whirlwind of court hearings, bedroom designs, bigger vehicles, saying no and trying not to feel guilty about it, and not being afraid to be an advocate for these children that deserve nothing but the best. A lot is currently happening with my current children in my care and everything is always up in the air, but someday I would love to give you an amazing update about all the good that comes from fostering. Because it's there. It really is. The love, the relationships you build. I love it. I am just tired. Just like every other foster parent.